Yellow.

Hilang dari pandangan.
Jauh dari tumpuan.
Pergi dari ingatan.

Semua tidak menjadi.
Apa yang ku mahu?

1001 lessons to learn.
1001 reasons to live.

I don't know.

Itu makin kabur.
I turn yellow and mellow.

"dan hilang segala rupa yang telah ku bayang. dan hilang segala rasa yang telah ku rasa.
dan hilang segala semua harapanku. dan hilang cerita indah dalam tidurku"
- indah lelapku by izwan pilus.

Letters to You.

ini utk kau. Apa-apa yang pasal kau, pasal dulu, aku dah tak kecil hati dah pun. pun dah tak kisah dah semua lama-lama tu. pun dah tak fikir pasal semua yg dah terlepas cakap semua. tapi, nak tarik balik semua yg dah tercakap, dan terbuat, adalah impossible. which, aku pun tak tahu macam mana nak betulkan balik, and start all over again. so, i'm sorry. really am sorry. sangat sorry. untuk semua yg aku terlepas laku dan cakap dan tulis dan update dan delete dan taknak delete. itu semua cerita zaman aku sedang jiwa emosi-emosi. masa hati tengah panas. membara-bara. kau tercuit sikit habis semua aku nak sergah, nak melatah. which aku a bit regret kenapa aku buat, and certain mende yg aku patut buat tapi tak buat. termasuk la masa aku delete ko, and post something yg agak melampaui batas tu, dan agak kwaja. well, masa tu, aku memang sangat ikut hati. i don't meant everything that i said at that time. and for that I'm sorry. i don't even feel the same way sekarang. tapi friendship is not based on that, kan? sangat sori dah kecik kan hati kau. kau tetap kawan aku. at least, itu adalah ape yang aku anggap. no matter apa yang kau anggap pasal aku. sebab, aku pun sedih, dan kecil hati dengan diri sendiri sebab dah hilang kawan. aku buat salah. aku memang ada tersilap langkah. and mungkin aku akan ter-buat lagi nanti. i'm imperfect, but i'll keep on learning. all i'm saying is, i'm sorry. you can't even imagine how i wish i can turn back time and return to the past so i can repair the situation. so we won't ended up like this. and sorry cause i can't say this straight to your face. aku tak berani... but i just know that somehow you'll get to read this. ape kau kate, might be true. aku memang nothing, i'm just a girl with my BIG ego and BIG emo. (and sometimes poyo2 je.) yang hoping now is not too late to make things right.

I had a short chat with MQ about ESC during lunch today. Which makes me wrote this and post it in the forum just a few seconds ago. Very lame, I know~ But we'll see how it goes. At least, now there are less burden that I'm carrying. Phew.

It always makes me wonder, no matter how small an action or a word might seem,
there's no excuses that it might break some one's heart.
Including the one who said it in the first place.


Ikut hati mati.

The BIG Fight.

I feel like singing screaming my heart out.

I think I'm pregnant, I think I’m pregnant. I feel fat and heavy, and I hate my belly. I think I'm pregnant, I think I'm pregnant. I eat chocolate and strawberries, I am sorry I can't help it! I think I'm pregnant, I think I'm pregnant. I am growing something but I don't really know what it is. I think I'm pregnant, I think I'm pregnant. But today I discovered that its not a baby that I am expecting. It's just a BIG FIGHT stuck in my belly. How can I abort all my fat fat belly? Tell me how can I abort, all my fat, fat belly? And I'm angry to let it be so fat. (to let it be so fat!!) And you will look like butter. (And you will look like butter) And you will look like, look like, butter.

I think I'm Pregnant by Soko.

Explains.

Help me explains why.
Anytime, anywhere, with no reason… my teardrops keep falling.













Surprisingly, every time it happens,
it feel so good that you can’t even imagine.

"He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star,
He's the song in the car I keep singin', don't know why I do..."
- Teardrops On My Guitar by Taylor Swift

Measuring Love.

How do we measure love?

Is it from the way they look? Is it from the way they talk?
Is it from how many calls they made? Is it by how much afford they made to meet you?
Is it by showering them with gifts and presents?

Honestly, I know I know nothing about love. There's not much that I did to show how much I love them. But surrounded by people who are blessed and poured with long lasting love, I sure learn a lot from them.

Love is not about gifts or presents. That's cool, but couldn't measure enough.

Love is about caring, and feeling happy of making the other partner happy!

That excitement they made, counts! That excitement, I adore!


What do you think of Love?

"It starts in my toes, And I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know. That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now. Just take your time Where ever you go..."
- Bubbly by Colbie Caillat

Holiday Food Route.

Makan. Makan. Dan makan!

Itulah aktiviti yang banyak memenuhi waktu cuti aku kali ini. Sedangkan tak ada la lama mana pun cuti. Padahal tak ada la special sangat Mama masak kali ni. Seriously.

Sepatutnya, sepatutnya lah. Sepatutnya aku ni sedang on diet. Only one heavy meal per day. Tapi sejak balik dari cuti-cuti Malaysia haritu, terus tertangguh hasrat murni aku tu.

Dan memang satu kesilapan besar jika aku anggap balik rumah aku boleh mengurangkan makan; dan bersenam. Itu memang sungguh la tidak mungkin sama sekali. Tapi again, aku tersalah buat pertikaian.

Aku tak berjaya kurangkan makan, bahkan makin bertambah-tambah tak henti-henti.
Dan aku tak berjaya bersenam dua kali sehari.

Tapi, satu kebanggaan, sebab aku berjaya bertahan mandi sauna lebih 30 minit kali ini. *peace*
Kebanggaan kedua, aku berjaya tidur seawal 12 malam dan bangun sebelum alarm Subuh handphone aku berbunyi! *peace*

So dengan tak ada kerjanya aku plus perut aku yang makin memberat malam ni, tadaaaaaaaaaaaa aku persembahkan menu makan aku sepanjang tiga hari ni.

.
.
.
.

Okay. Aku tak jadi nak letak. Sebab terasa macam sangat pelahap pulak bila aku tengok-tengok balik semua aku makan.

Kesimpulannya, aku sangat gemuk balik cuti ni! Duit aku pun banyak habis dekat barang-barang merepek. See.. if tak keluar, duit tak habis. Once keluar, pergh. Terbang terus semua azam berjimat cermat. Hampeh betul! Fat and Poor. Freakyyyyy hampeh aku.

Oh, dan untuk semua peminat orang-orang 'comel'. Silalah tonton Kungfu Dunk. Penuh dengan basketball player yang chumel! Aku jatuh hati, tercair hingga melekat ke lantai melihat mereka melompat, meng-bounce bola dan meng-dunk. Argh. CHUMEL dan BERGAYAA!!! Seriously.

"I think I'm pregnant. I think I'm pregnant
But today I discovered that its not a baby, that I am expecting
Its just a big fight, stuck in my belly"
- I Think I'm Pregnant by Soko

Pagi yang Terang.

Langkah pertama, a new space.

Perpindahan kali ni adalah half terpaksa. Payah untuk aku mengorak langkah maju, bila asyik terkenang pada kisah lama.

Mengenali seorang aku, aku memang begitu. Setia tak bertempat. Susah jatuh sayang. Tapi once dah terlekat di hati, jangan harap aku nak buang macam tu saja. Semua yang milik aku, dah jadi macam harta karun. Tersimpan tersusun elok, tapi tak terguna, tapi segan 'tuk dibuang. Semuanya ada kenangan. Setiap dari mereka ada sentimental value. Especially yang dari titik peluh keringat aku. Memang aku jaga dan timang.

That explains kenapa simpanan komik-komik dari darjah tiga aku masih cun tersusun memenuhi rak dalam bilik. Tak macam bilik anak dara. Lebih-lebih lagi, langsung tak macam bilik orang dah lebih dua dekad umurnya. hehehe. Abah dan mama dah banyak kali sound dan kecam nak jual kat lori surat khabas semua komik tu waktu aku kat hostel... tapi itu hanyalah sekadar ugutan semata-mata lah. Aku tau diorang pun tak sampai hati... hihi.

Enough about my comics anyway. Enam puluh lapan tahun pun belum tentu habis. Ini bukan cerita aku untuk kali ini. Aku nak cerita pasal my new space ni.

Not that I owe any explanation to you. Tapi, just for a fact, I'm not running away from my memories and my past. Zaman muda-muda... memang aku tak boleh nak lupa. Itu semua yang buat aku jadi macam sekarang.

Tapi, aku yang sekarang, tak jadi macam apa yang aku harapkan aku jadi waktu aku kecil dulu. Something, somewhere... it went wrong... Aku terima diri aku seadanya sekarang ni. But I know I can be better. Aku nak kejar dan cari diri aku yang hilang sejak bertahun dulu tu.

So this is why, this is created. Not that it will make any difference. (Possibility aku akan hangat-hangat tahi ayam adalah besar jugak.) Tapi starting fresh with something new, gives me a new feeling. Rasa lagi lapang dada. Dan lagi senang nak mencurah rasa dan idea.

The beginning dah lama berlalu, but it's definitely not the end yet. So if I stop, it will be such a waste. I'm starting fresh again. Esok, mungkin pagi kan kembali terang untuk menyinari langkahku. I hope so.

" This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay.
This moment is perfect, please don't go away.
I need you now. And I'll hold on to it.
Don't you let it pass you by... "
- Innocence by Avril.L.